The Guestbook from July 1996

Couldn't you guys find funnier geust book signings? Or is that the best
 those poor pathetic people could come up with? Will this go in there?

   I like this place...*smiles* Look Ma I'm at  Tom and Paula's
 place..Can I spend the night? *grins*

Hello! Purple monkey festering. Must squiggle trombone. Bells ring for
 the howling church. Dog barks at midnight. Mother Goose feather
 bed.Lurid synopsis? Ebola's in our pantry! Now how's that for
 Jibberish?!

Greetings from Holland!!   I have no idea what this page is about..but I
 like to sign guestbooks :)  see ya!

I suppose I could say something irreverent and inane like, "I am the
 alpha and the omega, all in one gamma," but I'm sober at the moment, so
 you'll have to settle for my waxing poetic:  Your page, little more
 than a protoplasmic mite in the endless ocean that is the Internet, was
 still more entertaining than watching "Beavis n Butthead" which is what
 I would have done if I hadn't found your page. Upon viewing the entries
 and your scathing replies, I was swept up in an epiphany and I swore
 that I would never again view tele-trash on cable when I could download
 pornography off the Web for free. Thank you for enlightening me.

Wow! I was amazed by your page! It was absolutely stupendous! I am still
 astounded! I have bookmarked your page so I can get that "Guestbook
 Greats" high over and over! I'm inviting all my friends over for a Tom
 and Paula party! We will read each entry and analyze what aspect of it
 makes it humorous! Because we are all psychiatrists! And losers too!
 Have a nice day!

i am a vamire! if you are not nice to me i will hunt you down and suck
 your blood i'll take a big ole chunk outta your neck!

Here me heathens and agnostics... you're time on earth is soon to come
 to an end...  oh, and great page Paula and Tom...

I was just wondering if you could break down your entries as to color
 and gender. Also, a percentage chart would help. Then we could tell if
 you were being fair.

We are a hot new band Diabolical Kleenex! Come and se us in Reno where
 everyone loves us and worships us like teh gods we are. our best known
 song is "Sin Monkey's Tragic Guava Jelly Mixer" Come and see us... we
 are cool!

Why do these idiots sign the same guestbooks over and over and over
 again with the same message, like eighteen times in a row?  I hate
 that.  It's a waste of bandwidth.

Why do these idiots sign the same guestbooks over and over and over
 again with the same message, like eighteen times in a row?  I hate
 that.  It's a waste of bandwidth.

Why do these idiots sign the same guestbooks over and over and over
 again with the same message, like eighteen times in a row?  I hate
 that.  It's a waste of bandwidth.

Well. I looked at your cool site and then i went to this guest book and
 typed a big long message. Then when i clicked 'send' my broswer
 crashed!!! ARG!  So, i will just have to start over. I said that i
 looked at your page and with Microsoft Internet Explorer 3 point oh
 (baby) the text was sort of in the background.  There is a way to fix
 this and i can/will tell you how. What you need is some more space on
 the left margin. And you can do this with a table. (i just love tables)
 (note: i have replaced all of the greater than's and less thans in this
 snipit of HTML with parenthseesses !!SP!! so that your cool guestbook
 will not throw out my message to get revenge on me for inserting HTML

tags.  Here is what you insert into your HTML:  (table border=0)  (tr)
 (td width=20_or_so_pixles) (/td)  (td)  Enter all of your HTML that you
 want here. Please insert something like i have read at your page,
 because it is the best in the world. I mean, your site has really added
 to my life. What whould i ever do without it. I mean your site helps
 the poor, the people who need helping the most if our society is going
 to survive, because economic disperity is the sole cause of crime.
 (duh!!) So i am going to write an email to, like, our commander and
 fire cheif, Billy Boy Clinton, because, like, we need a goverment grant
 for you good people to continue what your are doing, so that there will

 Like, like, like DUH!!  So if you get a check in the mail from Billy
 Boy send me an email. Just so i know that my efferts have not been
 wasted.  (/td) (/tr) (/table)    That should do it and fix er up. Also
 because that is only needed in Mircosft IE, you might want to make it
 only appear in IE. And guess what !! I know how to do that with a cool
 java script, or a server side include, or a server site include along
 with a cgi script.  (if you were wondering, i am in the buisness of
 HTML page creation/development. I have fun doing it and maby i have
 been able to help you, and will be able to some back and see that you
 have improved your oh so wonserfull site because of ME. Then i will

 feel like my life has been worth something. (thats a good feeling, ive
 been told)  So, untill then, have fun, keep up the good work, may your
 pillows be soft, and dont forget to eat more mellons.

The cows and ravens will inherit the world for we have lost.....

Great page, but the name.... kinda like LOD (Legion of Doom) and MOD
 (Masters of Deception/Destruction). BESIDES that, I like it. Besure to
 check out my "House" for tons of links and info on Hacking, Raves,
 Drugs, and much more. I'll be back here for sure!   LIQUIDBOY

READING OTHER PEOPLES GUEST BOOK ENTRIES HAVE   SHOWM ME THAT I'M REALLY
 THE ONLY SANE PERSON   IN THE WORLD, WELL, THAT IS, ME AND THE LITTLE
 MARTIANS WHO COME VISIT ME AT NIGHT.  FRIEND.

Wilmaaaaa!!!!      Where's the menu?

I am the ruler of a small island nation of 34, 500 people and I have
 recently acquired some nuclear weapons. Unless you give me 12 billion
 dollars, I will destroy your pitiful nation. (please forward this to
 Bill Clinton)

Seeing as how Hell gets boring sometimes, I would liek to thank you,
 Paula and Tom, for an enjoyable page free from infernal influences. Oh,
 and read "Good Omens." It's a good book.

I enjoyed your page long enough to forget for a moment I was deformed.
 Thank you for helping me forget my pain.

Yeah... this place is great...  this guestbook  is great... how great...
 this classic enuf?  Seriously... this is great...

Uhhhhhh.........  HI!!

Will I guess I shouldn't usein' Kewl Just isn't cool huh??? So whad ya
 thunk is Cool?  Led me know in my guestbook,k?    L8R,  c's ya,  Buh
 Buy  Garth

Very humerous reading!  I have a comment about certain people signing
 your book. I can't imagine (and I have a vivid one) The pleasure one
 gets from writing absured things for whom they have no idea will read!
 I can only asume it is a self gratifing act, sort of like laughing at
 your own jokes.  So for all of those who think they are writing witty
 stuff here is some recognition for you... HA! HA!! HO! HO! HE! HE!
 GOOD ONE!

Tis the season to be jolly (even when it's 90 outside)  fa la la la la
 la la   NICE PAGE!!!

Great site, really great, definate link!  Check out my guestbook, there
 are a few odd entries  there, maybe something for you?

Hi, this is really a nice idea, all work is done by teh guests,  I wish
 i had these idea's.  The Heineken site has a nice game in it.  Try it!!
 See you!!

Hey Tom & Paula!  Your page is fantastic!  It kept me laughing for
 hours!  How about starting a mailing list so you can notify everyone
 when version 2.0 comes out!?  And reading the whole thing is quite an
 accomplishment, so how about an award at the end (like a doggy biscuit
 or a pretty picture or something)?  Oh, and one more suggestion...Let's
 get naked!  Woo-hoo!

this sure as hell doing some real work, anyway i havent read your page
 ive only a slight idea what its about but i think it rocks big time and
 is a great service to those of us out here that have nothing better to
 do  than silly things like this to get back to what i should be doing
 .......  does can anyone tell me of any obscure site that serves up
 some high quality  public domain pictures ie FREE PICTURES and most
 definatly not FREE PORN TITS  ASSES EROTICA...... which is easy to find
 i am a complete loser and i dont want  to spend any money on any thing
 if i can get away with it ..... which as far i   am concerned is the
 whole point of the wadical world wide web i dont hearld it  as a new

have ypou ever tried to set your farts on fire? i tried it once but it
 didnt work, i guess that that sort of thing dosent have enough umph in
 it to start an actual fire, what happened though was quite funny. I was
 standing over a couch at the time and i ended up setting that on fire
 instead. that could have something to do with the fact that i doused it
 in petrol before hand but i just think its a strange coincidence.  oh
 well, bye for now, from Bill

Hmmm... what a let down..  From the presentation I would have expected
 to have nearly died laughing.  But on the contrary.  I looked at the
 top ten and while amused, really think there is more potential for
 better quality from the people of the net.  Though I can talk, I don't
 even have a guestbook working on my page.  Anyone have a good CGI
 script for it?  E-mail me the address.  I guess I should go to bed now.

I laughed until I cried.  I wept tears of joy to   know that somewhere
 in this ragtag work-a-day world  of ours, there are people out there
 who know how to  make a guest feel like a guest.  Darn few special
 folks like you two out there.  Hey... got a scanner  you can let me
 use?    And, p.s., RE: the top ten question of whether or   not one's
 kittie is a veg-head; please be careful   of "That Box".    Don't be
 caught alone with it.  That is just the  sort of thing that can cause
 someone to lose an eye.

This is one of the stupidest pages I've ever seen, but it's great! I'll
 come back soon. Visit my page.

I'm the first person from Galway, NY to sign this guestbook.  I'm a
 pioneer!!

Power!

what do you mean, "not html friendly??!!"    you know my ex-husband's
 name was Tom Russell...  but then I had to kill him.

Of all the books I have read, this is certainly  one of them.

what is a "classic" message anyway? this site is like a black hole, it
 sucks you in for you to never, ever escape from. I was supposed to be
 looking something up, now I have no clue what it was, and it's 5am so I
 should probally just forget it and go to bed...  but actually I have a
 few more hours before all the net traffic starts up, so I may just keep
 typing, maybe I can go for the longest message in you guest book, the
 only bemmer is that people don't always read the long ones, no matter
 how stupid or funny they are    if you can't tell I tend to babble a
 lot, Michael always says he is going to put duct tape over my mouth
 when i am at his house, but I am not really sure if I am into that

that bondage thing.. you know Tom, you made some coment about people
 signing their own guestbooks first, and just look what you have done
 here.. you did it, but then again I probally will too, but for me it
 will just to make sure its working correctly. and yes you are past
 150k, it was 174 k when I loaded it, and then if you add in all this
 babbling of mine it is proablly up to 2000k, which is rather a shame
 beacuse it means you will probally reset it and no one will see this
 long boring entry. I hope I speeled everything right, this ity bity
 teensy weensy window makes proof reading a bit hard, plus the fact that
 I am not hitting retun so that the lines line up correctly..

  ANYWAY,  the only thing I **REALLY** wanted to say was i got alota
 laughs wasting my time here with you guys, and now I have wasted even
 more,     On ward to the Quest..  to find the **real** meaning of life,
 I know someone out there has a URL on this, there just has to be,

I will never look at guest books the same again!

If I leave a cleaver enough message it may appear appear on this web
 site of cleaver messages that will give me the opportunity to leave a
 cleaver message that may appear appear on this web site of cleaver
 messages that will give me the opportunity to leave a cleaver message
 that appear appear on this web site of cleaver messages that will give
 me the opportunity to leave a cleaver message that appear appear on
 this web site of cleaver messages that will give me the opportunity to
 leave a cleaver message that appear appear on this web site of cleaver
 messages that will give me the opportunity to leave a cleaver message
 that Ahhh... help me I stuck in a loop.

If I leave a cleaver enough message it may appear on this web site of
 cleaver messages which will give me the opportunity to leave a cleaver
 message that may appear on this web site of cleaver messages which will
 give me the opportunity to leave a cleaver message that may appear on
 this web site of cleaver messages which will give me the opportunity to
 leave a cleaver message that will appear on this web site of cleaver
 messages which will give me the opportunity to leave a cleaver message
 that may appear on this web site of cleaver messages which will give me
 the opportunity to leave a cleaver message that Ahrrggg... help me I'm
 stuck in a loop.

... and now visit my Homepage <a
 href="http://yi.com/home/SchaeferRalf"><img
 src="http://yi.com/home/SchaeferRalf/ei-2.gif" alt="Load Pic">Click
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