The Best Entries from
      Our own Guestbook!

      These are some of our personal favorites that we've taken right out of OUR guestbook! They are our CURRENT choices for BEST but we look every hour on the hour for BETTER ones!! Keep those entries coming!

      Brian Bryan
      London UK
      Link: The dark knight
      have ypou ever tried to set your farts on fire? i tried it once but it didnt work, i guess that that sort of thing dosent have enough umph in it to start an actual fire, what happened though was quite funny. I was standing over a couch at the time and i ended up setting that on fire instead. that could have something to do with the fact that i doused it in petrol before hand but i just think its a strange coincidence. oh well, bye for now, from Bill Signed on: Monday, July 22nd at 4:20AM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • Let me guess, you came to us from the Jim Carrey tribute page, right?

      So What does Tom think?

      • Brian, Brian, Bryan...Setting farts on fire is an art, man. Just like scuplting and painting and stuff. Leave this kind of thing to the people who know what they're doing before you burn the whole stinkin house down, OK?!

      Maggot-Infested Man
      Welt, Corn Scar
      Nashty@infected.com
      I enjoyed your page long enough to forget for a moment I was deformed. Thank you for helping me forget my pain. Signed on: Wednesday, July 10th at 12:26AM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • I just hope the maggots enjoyed is as much as you did.

      So What does Tom think?

      • Hey! Don't mention it Maggot-Infested man! That's what we're here for! Well, that, AND we keep hoping somebody will leave the winning lottery numbers in their entry!

      Ms. Dee Dee Rapture
      Equality is for everyone USA
      busty@sweetnet.com
      I was just wondering if you could break down your entries as to color and gender. Also, a percentage chart would help. Then we could tell if you were being fair. Signed on: Wednesday, July 3rd at 11:30PM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • Oh, no - another social worker trying to fix the world......let's just say this: Everyone that is a color and has a gender thinks we're cool, and all the people who worry about stuff like that don't.

      So What does Tom think?

      • Here's how it works: everything on any of the yellow pages is pretty much worthless, but all the other pages are very good! It's the only fair system we could come up with!

      Wally Beauford McDougalleŽ
      Taunic, Texas USA
      generic@notreally.com
      Link: Cartalk
      Wow! I was amazed by your page! It was absolutely stupendous! I am still astounded! I have bookmarked your page so I can get that "Guestbook Greats" high over and over! I'm inviting all my friends over for a Tom and Paula party! We will read each entry and analyze what aspect of it makes it humorous! Because we are all psychiatrists! And losers too! Have a nice day! Signed on: Wednesday, July 3rd at 11:25PM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • Yes, we ARE the designer drug for the 90's - I hope you have a nice day! too!

      So What does Tom think?

      • And don't forget, we do guest appearances too!

      Hector Macho Kimacho
      St. Juan's Dominica
      I don't have one...
      Link: Bugsy's homepage (IRC channel)
      I suppose I could say something irreverent and inane like, "I am the alpha and the omega, all in one gamma," but I'm sober at the moment, so you'll have to settle for my waxing poetic: Your page, little more than a protoplasmic mite in the endless ocean that is the Internet, was still more entertaining than watching "Beavis n Butthead" which is what I would have done if I hadn't found your page. Upon viewing the entries and your scathing replies, I was swept up in an epiphany and I swore that I would never again view tele-trash on cable when I could download pornography off the Web for free. Thank you for enlightening me. Signed on: Wednesday, July 3rd at 11:19PM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • I'm really excited that our scathing replies actually would cause someone to download pornography - just think of the endless possibilites if we were to change our style. I can almost see the entire world doing the Macarena at once, or maybe even bringing back that wonderful hit, "We are the World." Oh, it's so nice to have such influence on people!

      So What does Tom think?

      • This guy is the main reason Beavis and Butthead should be permanently banned! And now he thinks WE'RE better??! Pull the plug, Paula!

      cymoril
      Hawai'i USA
      Link: cymoril's House o' Duct Tape
      what do you mean, "not html friendly??!!" you know my ex-husband's name was Tom Russell... but then I had to kill him. Signed on: Saturday, July 27th at 10:08PM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • Did you get away with it, or do the prisons have internet access now? There IS something about that name, Tom Russell, that makes everyone a little crazy!

      So What does Tom think?

      • What exactly did ya do, honey? Wrap him to death in duct tape?! I'll bet that's one even the Nazis never tried! But just to be on the safe side.....I'm changing my name...and address....and identity!!

        (BTW, for anyone who cares, here's a brief explanation why we don't allow HTML in our guestbook...)

      RYAN HUNT
      BRADFORD ONTARIO Canada
      I AM A VERY VERY GOOD FAN OF YOU I HAVE SEEN EVERY MOVIE YOU MADE THE BEST MOVIE YOU MADE WAS ALL OF THEM.YOU ARE THE BEST ACTOR IN THE WORLD Signed on: Saturday, June 29th at 6:51AM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • This is what happens when your home videos get lost in the mail enroute to "America's Funniest Home Videos" - they end up in Canada and then you're hounded by fans like Ryan.

      So What does Tom think?

      • Did you catch us in "Tom & Paula's Big Adventure"? We were also a huge hit in "Fatal Guestbook Attraction!" and the raves are STILL coming in for our astonding roles in "Saturday Night Server"!

      Dev
      Western, Ne USA
      Dev.ltec.net
      Link: Devin's Homepage
      Do you guys have no life? You just spend you time looking at guestbooks for "classic" entries? Do you get paid for that? Signed on: Sunday, June 9th at 5:30PM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • If only I had a life like you do, to be able to lesiurely read all the funny guestbook entries that someone with no life spent years looking for, boy - then I'd have it made!

      So What does Tom think?

      • PAID!!! Are you telling me someone would actually PAY for this stuff??!

      I.P Freely
      New York USA
      Love the page, darlings. Truly gratifying to see such innovative work! See you in hell! Signed on: Wednesday, June 5th at 3:48PM PST

      So What does Paula think?

      • I was smiling ear-to-ear until I read "see you in hell." Why should we wait that long to meet I.P., it really isn't fair.

      So What does Tom think?

      • Although, it did cross my mind with my oldest son, I never really seriously considered naming him I.P. FREELY! Tell me this guy's mom didn't have a rough delivery!

      Bob
      Salem, OR USA
      I just finished your "100 Most Classic Guestbook Entries Ever." Well, actually, I only finished 10 of the 100 - I couldn't handle anymore of the "So What does Paula think, What does Tom think." comments. I'm not trying to be negative, just constructive. Your idea about producing a page on 100 of the most clever witty guestbook entires is an excellent one, and it has the potential of making one of the top pages on the internet. But, you've mutilated the concept with your own attempts at being funny (not-to-mention the large, un-needed graphics). Would Dave Letterman's Top 10 List be nearly as funny if he were to have two of his audience members critique each line as he... Signed on: Tuesday, May 28th at 11:14AM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • Well, Bob, I started to read this entry, but actually I only picked up on the words "one of top pages on the internet" and you're right - Thanks so much!!

      So What does Tom think?

      • Bob, it looks like when we were designing this site we forgot the line, "So what does BOB think?" And we're not trying to be negative, just constructive, when we say, "Bob, you're an idiot!" Sorry if that seems to mutilate your concept!

      Lee Peterson
      Toronto, Ontario CA
      oracle@delphi.glendon.yorku.ca
      I'd never quite understood the appeal of the whole guestbook phenomenon, so it was interesting to read your page and get a little insight into it. While I was here, just thought I'd follow-up on the vegetarian cat entry in the 100 best guestbook entries. There's actually a book on the subject - "Dogs and Cats Go Vegetarian". Apparently, it's fairly easy for dogs to go veggie, as they're omnivores. Cats need to be given taurine (an amino acid) supplement. (I am a vegetarian, but my cats aren't.) Signed on: Sunday, April 7th at 6:45AM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • Thanks for sharing.

      So What does Tom think?

      • It seems to me that the real question here is, "HUH????" Are these people freakin out or what? Where I come from you grab a can of Friskies and dump it in the ole cat bowl and move on to the next thing in life! Common people, snap out of it......!

      Patti Johnson
      Edgewater, MD USA
      johnsonp@crosslink.net
      Link: Patti's World
      Just finished viewing ALL 100 classic entries--got the biggest laugh of my entire life. Really, had milk flying out my nose. Good job! Begin Anti-Government Signature: ********************************* Government Sucks! Impeach Clinton, heck impeach the whole government! ********************************* End Anti-Government Signature Signed on: Saturday, April 6th at 5:18PM PST

      So What does Paula think?

      • When I die, I want to be known as one of the people who caused milk to fly out of someone's nose. I think that is probably the best compliment I have ever received.

      So What does Tom think?

      • Yeah, this happens to me all the time! I even had to install a "Milk Sheild" on my monitor and keyboard because it was getting so messy! That's just the way it is with these guestbook entries!

      Conor Sen
      Melrose, MA USA
      dmvm29c@prodigy.com
      Link: The NEW and Improved Conor's Home Page
      Wow, your page has given new meaning to guestbook signing. Never again will I sign a guestbook the same way. You have definately inspired a whole new generation of guestbook signers, who will have kids and in turn, produce more guestbook signers. Eventually, this page will set the standards for guestbook signing everywhere and you will be able to control the minds of people everywhere. Cool. Signed on: Tuesday, March 5th at 12:51PM PST

      So What does Paula think?

      • That is cool. As Tom would say, "to infinity and beyond!"

      So What does Tom think?

      • Sounds like a real dream come true -- As long as those weirdos from distant planets who signed that other guestbook entry don't come bugging us while we're going poo!!

      Wade Armstrong
      Confusion USA
      warmstrong@boredom.edu
      I want to have one of the top 100 guestbook entries. Please. I need it to live! I'll do anything. Can you imagine the lengths to which I will go to make it onto the list. There are no limits! I will have each of your children, if you want. I will pay money. I will sacrifice small animals to pagan gods. What ever you want, I'm your man. Did I say man. Hah Hah Hah. If you want me too, I can be a woman. All you have to do is ask. i kan ebem spull inkoharentley. Help me. I have way too much damn time on my hands! Signed on: Wednesday, February 28th at 3:22AM PST

      So What does Paula think?

      • Let's discuss that "I'll pay money" thing once more - when can I collect?!

      So What does Tom think?

      • Now I admire a guy who can "spull inkharentley"! This is a real craft. And the thing about HAVING our children! Now THAT sounds interesting, Wade ole buddy! But the real question is, would you stoop to BEGGING??

      Dawn
      MD USA
      no@ip11.easton.dmv.com
      Well, while reading your homepage, some thoughts occurred to me--that's a rarity. Ummm those little brown strips on the bottom of the page kind of look like bacon. And the yellow background reminds me of mustard. And why oh why do fast food restaurants put mustard on hamburgers??? Who in the world likes mustard on hamburgers???? That's really disgusting!!! Oh yeah what was I talking about? Your page, right...ummm... Your guestbook entry form took tooooooo long to load. And I started to have hallucinations about yougurt while waiting...mmmm bacon, mustard and yogurt. Oh maybe I should erase my hometown from the form before you call my local mental health department. I'm okay. Signed on: Friday, February 9th at 8:11PM PST

      So What does Paula think?

      • Dawn, I hate to be the one to tell you this.......but, you're pregnant. Personally, I like to take potato chips and smash them and sprinkle them all over my hamburgers. I learned this in 3rd grade, it really helps me get through life. I don't like yogurt too much - I used to, but then those health nuts started explaining all the different uses for yogurt, and now it just repulses me.

      So What does Tom think?

      • OK, everybody who likes mustard on your burger raise your hand. Now, everybody who likes YOGURT on your burger raise your other hand! I think we finally found something to top an Arch Deluxe!

      Todd Lamothe
      Boston, MA USA
      TLamothe@tiac.net
      Link: Guest Book
      Hey Tommy and Paula! I believe there is a deep seeded need for you to wear a Dress. If you were to consider psychotherapy for perhaps 2 or 3 years, your multiple personality disorder will come shining through as it were, and your Tom personality could have his page and your Paula personality could have her page. It might work better that way, but ... I like Burns and Allen, and all the rest of the duos.... talk about a run on sentence! I was suggesting Psychotherapy... that's it for now. More suggestions later. But trust me, I had a roommate that was a pre-op and it's really better if you come to terms with yourself! Signed on: Tuesday, January 2nd at 8:36PM PST

      So What does Paula think?

      • This entry really bothers Tom. We've spent countless hours writing email to discuss it and then Tom went to a therapist, and I had to learn something called "self expression" and we still can't seem to get over this entry. I bought several dresses and then decided that I really just like jeans, but then every now and then, I think about this entry and the guilt comes back.

      So What does Tom think?

      • I hate it when they let these pychotherapists guys loose on the net! Like things aren't weird enough the way it is! These people are just making matters worse!

      Amanda DeSerisy
      Sumner, WA USA
      xauxu@eskimo.com
      Link: Xauxu's Playhouse
      I'm sitting in your toilet at this very minute. Signed on: Saturday, December 23rd at 9:36PM PST

      So What does Paula think?

      • Please, please, come and sit in my living room, it's more comfortable - just flush and wash your hands before you come out.

      So What does Tom think?

      • If you use all the toilet paper I'm shutting the thing down to the public! And don't even think about making the paper roll OVER the top!

      billy "the redneck pimp" bob
      chicago, IL USA
      balabri@198.87.195.20
      Link: I like to lick popsicles looking at pictures of you
      Raul, you are absolutely high-larious, and Tums, you are too, not as much though. Tums, you are too sarcastic. I like to read and re-read your funny comments to the goofy people that write funny stuff in other people's guest books. you came up with the coolest idea. Tums and Raul rule!! Signed on: Thursday, May 23rd at 7:09PM PDT

      So What does Paula think?

      • THIS is my absolutely favorite entry in the whole world, and the great thing about it is that I think that "Billy the redneck pimp bob" from Chicago was sincere when he wrote it. I've been called a lot of names, but Raul has to be the best yet! When I need to laugh, I read this over and over. Darn! I wish that Zoloft would kick in.

      So What does Tom think?

      • What??! You think I'm too sarcastic? I can't believe this! What are you some kind of IDIOT??! Like some goof-ball named "Billy the redneck pimp bob" is gonna accuse ME of being sarcstic! And one more thing, didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?? You need therapy, dude! Maybe even prayer! Sarcastic..........