"Do I have INHACSWIWAKSIGBMKECTEIS?, you bet! Do I buy every baby toy and product known to man? Yep! Would I buy them again? Sure! Why? I don't have any idea why.

"Something strange happens when you have a baby or get another one (as in my case). Your brain switches to a different channel and your main motive in life turns to "how can I make this baby happy?" If I had all the money in the world, I still would not be able to get my hands on enough stuff for my baby. I want it all, and then some. This isn't just my problem, it seems to affect every parent out there (well, at least those that are over 30). I can say this because I live at Toys R Us (I even have a Toys R Us Gold Visa Card!), and I spend every Thursday at garage sales buying up every baby thing I see, along with tons of other parents.

"But parents Under 30 have this stuff too, it's just that most of it is purchased by the grandparents - this disease seems to affect them even more severely. When I'm shopping, the most common phrase I hear is, "they never had this stuff when my kids were babies!" (as the shopping cart fills up).

"I was complaining to Tom one day in an email about not being able to get Jake to sleep, and he wrote back, "You gotta get one of those electric swings and let him swing for HOURS! We did that with ALL our kids! It was the only way to go! I just wish they had them for nine year olds!!!! : )." So, I wrote back, "Oh Tom, I've got the battery operated swing, I've got the "Gentle Vibes" thing that turns everything into a motorized vehicle, I've got the bouncer, the infant seat, the bed-side bassinet, the crib, a ton of musical toys attached to the crib, the walker, the carrying-sling thing, bottles that don't allow air in, 2000 pacifiers in all shapes and sizes, the thing that they lay under and stare at moving toys, ALL OF IT!, but he just wants to be held all day long!!!"

We think it's time that everyone comes to terms with INHACSWIWAKSIGBMKECTEIS -- to openly admit that we all have it. Not so we can be cured, but so we can finally all ease our conscience and buy even more junk! Here at verycrazy.com , we've decided not to fight this thing anymore. We are just gonna relax into it! And so it seems like the obvious thing to do next is to go out and find the coolest and most unnecessary (and maybe even totally useless!) baby products we can find!

So all victims of INHACSWIWAKSIGBMKECTEIS unite! And join us as we proudly introduce what we think are --- The CRAZIEST Baby Stuff of The Century!

Enjoy! And stay tuned for our next project, "The CRAZIEST Birth Control Stuff of The Century!

This handy little device turns anything into a motorized vehicle - just clip it on the side of a crib, car seat, stroller, or infant seat and your baby will be vibrated like a dental drill attacking a tooth. Trouble is, it isn't too long before that baby is smart enough to figure out that vibrating means those people you live with are trying to get you to go to sleep and it's high time to get really upset about the whole thing. About $19.99

SIDE NOTE FROM TOM: I think that somehow this is supposed to be an improvement on that other thing you attach to the baby's crib and it simulates a traveling automoblie. You just hang it on the side and turn it on and the baby is completely fooled into thinking it's riding in the car! This works great until the siren and flashing lights go off and the officer is standing there shining a bright flashlight into the baby's crib! Maybe a little too realistic!

Now here's the invention of the century! A diaper pail that looks cool, costs a fortune, needs special bags, and a Master's Degree to use! But, hey - I'd pay any price for diapers that don't smell. This hold about 4 diapers and even has accessories available to buy - decals to match your decor! Total cost for baby's entire diapering time - $345.00 (diapers and wipes not included).

SIDE NOTE FROM TOM: This device may also require a special hazardous waste team to empty it!

Why get a listening monitor when you can have your very own TV monitor to carry around while baby is sleeping? Watch every breath, see every move, hear every sound, and feel secure. Get ready to shell out $249.95. Silly me, I thought that I was supposed to get things done while that baby sleeps, not watch him from another room.

Oh, yes - this is the first thing I bought for my baby, I just had to have it. With $79.99 in hand, I made this purchase knowing that I wouldn't regret it. Now, I have an 8 week old who has outgrown this beautiful little bed, and has spent a total of 16-1/2 hours in the darn thing. I'm thinking that it will look awfully cute with toys piled inside!

Who needs a plain-old pacifier, when you can have a musical one! Just when the baby starts to fall asleep, a computer chip generates an irritating rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and wakes up that cute little star of yours. Around $8.00.

It bounces! It rocks! It spins! It has attached toys! It cost $54.95! You need it! The baby will love it! Too bad it's only good for 4 to 6 month olds! Did I mention that it takes up most of the space in your living room?

Where should I start?.... there's a stool for your feet, a special pillow for the baby to lay on in your lap, a special blanket to slip over your head so no one can see you nursing, cutsie clothes that have secret snaps, buttons and velcro, special bras, pumps, special bags to keep milk cold, sterilized plastic bags for storing the stuff, books, tapes, support groups, cream, and this is just a few things! I sure can't figure out how our grandmothers accomplished the difficult task of feeding a baby without all these items! Cost of all this stuff: Well over $1400 (that might buy a lot of formula, but you'd miss out on all the bonding without this stuff)

SIDE NOTE FROM TOM: A special note for all you power mothers out there, be sure to check out the all new "Hands Free, Dual action Executive Power Pump!" Not only can you pump from both sides at once, you can, according to the ad, work on your annual report while you're doing it -- handsfree! We are talkin high tech here, ladies!

Now this is the scam of the century! I buy powder formula and it costs $7.99 (lowest price I've found) and it makes 128 fluid ounces. I got out my calculator and figured out that that's $0.50 for an 8 oz. bottle! My Mountain Dew is cheaper than that! I guess it's worth it, because you'd have to buy all those nursing products if you decided to go the other way. And hey, those formula companies even use reverse psychology on you - this is straight from the can in my kitchen, "Breast milk is best for babies, BUT when a formula is desired, none is better than "Brand X" - the first choice of more doctors and mothers." Isn't that special?!

I live in Minnesota, and our Attorney General must have gotten fed up with the cost, so now he's got some class action lawsuit going because the cost of milk dropped, and formula went up 300%, so if you're interested in jumping on the band wagon, you can call this number for more information: (800) 585-1151. You'll probably get some coupons for more formula :)

Why spend $0.22 for a jar of baby food? For $24.95, you can spend 30 minutes grinding up what you're having for supper, and then another hour trying to take the thing apart to wash it and another hour trying to put it back together again (if parts didn't fall in the garbage disposal in the sink).

Tired of that dish sliding around on the highchair? For $9.95, you can get a bowl with a big suction cup on the bottom. Note: This does not stop a baby from flinging food all over the house.

SIDE NOTE FROM TOM: Now when they come up with a big suction cup that you can stick to the bottom of your KID then they'll really have something!!

For a mere $7.95, you can buy a pair of special gloves so that you can give baby a bath. Those little ones are slipperly, so you need these to hang on to him/her. I bet you didn't know that plain old washcloths are obsolete.

Can't tell if that water is going to burn baby? Well, you need this! A big smiley face tells you that it's safe to go into the water. Well worth the $14.99, because I'm just too darn busy to feel if that water is safe.

The ad says that mixed powdered formula can grow bacteria, so obviously you need to spend $12.95 for this bottle. It has a compartment for the powder formula and a bottle for water, and you have to turn it a special way and shake it up to mix the two together. It says, "It's that Easy!"

No nursery is complete without this! You get a contraption that has an ice pack and holds bottles on one side, and a heater to heat them up on the other side. You just make up bottles, haul them into the baby's room, and heat them up at 2 am. For $49.95, the darn thing should fly out and feed the baby by itself!

Ready to potty train that boy of yours? You need piddlers! They are cute little paper fish that you float in the toilet to help with that "aim." They're advertised as non-toxic and eco-friendly and you can have 20 of them for $9.95.

SIDE NOTE FROM TOM: It needs to be stressed that these nifty fish Piddler things are considered non-toxic and eco-friendly prior to you child fishing them back out of the toilet barehanded! And one more tip, make sure that after your little guy gets his aim down that you don't have any fish wallpaper in the house!

Too lazy to change a crib sheet? Just buy one of these! A pad with 20 velcro straps that lays on top of the crib sheet, specially designed to save you the time of taking that sheet off to wash (but you have to wash this). $16.99 for one, in your choice of three colors. If you're ambitious, you can buy 3 crib sheets for this price, but then you'd have all that work.

Need to name that baby? For $39.95, you can buy this software program that lets you specify different criteria to search for just the right name! No need for imagination any more.

Okay, who wants poop on their bed, couch or carpet? I sure don't. I guess I need a special table, just the right height, so that for the first two months of my baby's life, I can change her diaper on it. And I guess I want to spend anywhere upwards of $119.99 for that luxury. According to the baby's doctor, these are the most dangerous things you can own, so I guess I need to buy a special safety strap, and special pad, and special accessories that hang from this table so that I can have everything I need within reach. I guess I need a nap after going through all this for one little baby diaper changing!

Poor little baby needs to be cleaned up with "warm" wipes. I spent $12.99 for a wonderful little contraption that wraps around my wipe dispenser with velcro (one size fits all!) and keeps them warm. Now my electric bill is up and the box failed to mention that they get cold as soon as you take them out of the box!

Now I don't have anything bad to say about this, no sir! I can't live without this item - matter of fact, I'm using that same swing I bought in 1987 for $79.99 and it's survived my three kids, and I've loaned it to everyone I've known that has had a baby inbetween mine. Mine takes up 12 sq. ft. of floor space, I had to have an extra room built to contain it, I bought stock in batteries, and I've tripped over the legs countless times (that makes my baby smile). Did I say that it works for 6 whole weeks? Now that's something! Special Note: The new ones have a "low-profile" design, and you are less likely to trip over them, and they've doubled in cost. Ain't it good to know that this stuff keeps getting better and better!

I'm on baby # 3 and unfortunately I still haven't learned that these are truly useless. First, you have to squish the baby in there, and then you have to try to get the straps around you without dropping the little guy, and then there's the problem of the darn thing choking the baby because his head is flopping all around, and then you look stupid, get sweaty, and your shoulders start to ache. Well worth $25+!

Need to have a "cool" baby? No standard lullabies for your kid - buy this CD or cassette for $16.95. Music artists will sing rock songs to your baby in a soft voice. The cover even shows a bald baby with hip shades. You need it.