Comedian extraordinaire



      What first made you decide to build a web site?

        Rodney: My wife. She was setting up a site for her business and the more she explained to me, the more I wanted a site of my own. I thought it would be a great way to communicate with my fans, show movie clips and tell a few jokes. I also liked the idea that I could control the content. At the time my site was launched (Feb 95) I had just been rejected by the Motion Picture Academy for membership even though I met all the criteria. I thought it would be interesting to ask folks how I should answer the Academy's rejection letter from Roddy McDowall, so I set up a contest and one guy's answer I liked so much I called him at home. His name was Wade Jackson. Another guy sent a joke so perfect for me that a bought it, and then flew him and his wife to Las Vegas to catch my act. I invited him backstage so I could meet him. He turned out to be an elementary school principal.

          Tom: You're a pioneer, Rodney! Paula and I search the entire planet for cool and cutting edge celebrities who have a home away from home on the net and you are one of a handful who have ventured out to take advantage of this exciting platform. Congratulations!

          Paula: Naturally, it had to be a woman behind the scenes! Seriously, I hope that the visitors to this interview get motivated by you - and I hope your initiative inspires other celebs to get moving on the web - this is the true Planet Hollywood!

      What's your favorite all-time site on the net?

        Rodney: I like Spider's (Bob Allison) site. It was one of the first I looked at and it helped me find a lot of other good places . I also like any site with naked women and Virtual Vegas for when I got nothin to do.

          Paula: I like Bob Allison too, matter of fact, I worship him because he gave Tom and I our first award when we started doing projects together. It was on his page that I found out that you had a page, he had posted one of your comments. I haven’t spent too much time looking at naked women, but there seems to be enough out there, and Lord help us if you ever decide to post a nudie of yourself, Rodney!

          Tom: Personally, I really like the MBA in a Nutshell site. You can go through a complete MBA course in 12 hours! This is the true power of the internet! And hey, just think how fast you could do it if you had your own dedicated T-1 line!

      Which way do you put the toilet paper? Over or under?

        Rodney: I don't use toilet paper. I keep a box of kleenex on top of the toilet.

          Paula: I went grocery shopping yesterday and had a mental breakdown trying to buy toilet paper. There’s one full aisle dedicated to this stuff - and too many choices. Did you know there’s a new one called "Wet or Dry?" Now, what is that all about? I was wondering if it had something to do with still being able to use it if it falls in.

          Tom: This reminds me of my relatives down south. Not only do they not use toilet paper they don't use kleenex either!

      What word do you dislike the most?


        Rodney: If it's in relation to me.....overweight.

          Tom: I know what you mean on this overweight word, Rodney! My only problem is that my second least favorite word is DIET!! Why does everything that tastes good have to be so bad for you? This seems like some kind of undercover marketing plan to sell carrots or something!

          Paula: And why do the words "fat-free" on stuff make me want to scream? And why do things with screens (theaters, TVs and computer monitors) make us hungry - is this some sort of techno anomaly?

      If you had to run to the grocery store in the middle of the night, what would you buy?

        Rodney: I'd be going there to hopefully meet a girl who don't know how late it is.

          Paula: I heard that the grocery store is the best place to meet people. Too bad that you’re always so broke when you leave that the thought of the opposite sex is the last thing on your mind.

          Tom: The bad part about going to the grocery in the middle of the night is that it's usually a direct result of seeing some commercial during the late late show for microwave Burritos or something. Because we're half asleep and practically delirious we somehow actually think these things are gonna be good! What are we thinkin??!

      Do you consider your computer friend or foe? And just Who is your BEST friend?

        Rodney: I never had any luck with computers. I bought an Apple. It had a worm in it.My best friend is a guy named Joe Ancis. He's the funniest and the deepest. I've known him for 50 years.

          Tom: Being a sold out Windows 95 user I have come to terms with both loving and hating my PC system all at the same time! When Win 95 works it works great! But when it doesn't work it does that great to! Running Windows 95 is kinda like installing "mood swings" on your computer! Or giving it hormones! The guys who thought this thing up weren't just building an operating system they were making a desktop "wife!

          Paula: Joe has to be a true blue - 50 years?!?! Does he tell you jokes? I like the Apple PC line, too bad it’s true!

      What was the very first thing you put on your home page?

        Rodney: A picture of my ugly mug. Are you kiddin? I know I'm ugly. Every time my old man wanted sex, my mother showed him my picture.

          Paula: You’ve got quite a collection of pictures, Rodney. I like the autographed one - I wonder how many women are using those for birth control!

          Tom: You would have loved my first page, Rodney! It would have reminded you of Vegas......except with even more blinking and flashing stuff! I guess I just got a little carried away with the blinking tag thing!

      What do you think? A yellow traffic light means slow down and stop or speed up and go?

        Rodney: When you get to be my age you have no patience. I tell ya, for me it's hard stopping even at the red lights.

          Tom: No matter which way a person answers this question it reveals the inner most secrets of their personality. If you zoom through yellow lights it is evidence that you are a the kind of person who can't be held back in life - you just GO for it with all you've got! If you stop at those lights however, it reveals that you take a much more cautious approach to life and therefore will be essentially miserable the rest of your life until you die! Guess which one I am!

          Paula: I think that must be some sort of age thing - I lived in a town where 50% of the people were senior discount eligible and it made me want to buy a Sherman tank. As we know, this question comes from the "Get a Psychology Degree in Six Hours!" course that Tom took on the net. He proudly displays his gif file certificate as wallpaper on his PC!

      What's your favorite section of your site?

        Rodney: The most popular section is the Joke of the Day, but my favorite is reading the email. One time I got a letter from a guy wanting me to endorse his junkyard in Florida. Others write in about how they get no respect.

          Paula: I’ve been trying to figure out what you’d say about a junkyard in Florida! You should post some of your favorite email - somehow, by the looks of what I get, people must think that it’s okay to say whatever they want - it would be good for some of it to go up in lights!

          Tom: I personally liked your "Clip Off the Old Block" page! I go nuts downloading mpegs and avi stuff.....you have a great collection, Rodney! I hope you have plans for even more! Maybe some bootleg footage or some of your own personal home video stuff would be cool!

      Do you eat peas one at a time? With a fork or a spoon?

        Rodney: Neither. I have a sexy young girl throw them in my mouth one at a time.

          Tom: Peas absolutely have to be eaten thoroughly mixed up in mashed potatoes. Then you have to make roads through the middle with your fork! This is the way God intended them to be eaten!

          Paula: I think peas should be banished from the planet! The only way I can eat them is standing in a garden in June.

      Are you excited about VRML? How about Java? Any plans for either to show up at your site?

        Rodney: I want to keep up with all the latest technology, but I'm still learning the basics. I'm not sure what VMRL is. Is it about playing movies in real time? Or with 3D? You'll have to hip me here.

          Paula: Tom will have to help out here - I just like what the stuff does. I do think we need a virtual reality Rodney in our living rooms, though!

          Tom: With VRML you could take that picture of you and Joan in the hot tub and make it so we could ALL get in and splash around! And with Java we could adjust the temperature! I say go for it!

      Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

        Rodney: The right side because it is nearest to the bathroom. I'm enjoying what they call the Golden Years. That's where you go to the bathroom five times a night.

          Paula: That is just nature’s way of showing men what women have been going through all their lives!

          Tom: My wife and I used to have one of those full wave waterbeds...................until she got pregnant the first time! This woman put you to shame, Rodney! She was up no less than 37 times every night going pee! So everytime she'd roll out of this waterbed this big tidal wave thing would come crashing in on my side of the bed and completely flip me out of the bed! So I guess you could say that part of the night I was on the right, part of the night on the left and part of the night on the floor!

      How much email do you get a week? Do you answer it all?

        Rodney: I get about 150 letters a day, although when I mentioned my site on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, I got almost 600 in an hour. Usually my wife and I read them all and then pick some to answer. I'm not a good typist, so I tell Joan what to say and she types it in for me. My computer has speech recognition so I can just talk into it and it types for me, but I'd rather have her do it so I can keep an eye on her. Last night she wanted to have sex in the backseat of the car. I drove her and that guy around all night.

          Paula: You should talk Jay into getting a web site and you guys could do a weekly spot on weird email. I wish I had voice recognition - mostly I wish I had mind recognition for the computer, but on second thought..

          Tom: If somebody wants to get a ton of mail I have a 100% guaranteed method. Here's how: Spell a bunch of stuff on your page wrong! You'll get more mail than you can read! You can have the coolest most amazing site going and hardly get any mailings but you put one misspelled word on there and BOOM! The mailbox is full! There's just too many unemployed english majors running loose on the net!

      Are you left handed or right handed?

        Rodney: I'm right.

          Tom: I'm right handed, too. This has got to mean something, Rodney! Maybe we're related or something! Although Paula and I think we're related and she's left handed! Maybe there's a more scientific approach here.........

          Paula: Just don’t let the right hand know what the left one is doing! I figured you for a leftie, Rodney. Sometimes, life just isn’t fair.

      What do you use to edit HTML (an editor, notepad, etc)?

        Rodney: I have my internet service provider (HLC Internet) do whatever editing I want done and digitize the photos and clips.

          Paula: I just switched to Word from trusty notepad - those spell-watchers were starting to make me a little crazy, so I figured I’d try to do it right. Trouble is, there isn’t an editor that will tell you what to write!

          Tom: I get about a hundred internet magazines and these HTML editors are being released by the thousands. It's getting so complex that you could have an entire site up and running by the time you figured out which one to use! I say keep it simple. Do all your editing in Notepad and then send it to Paula to do a spell check!

      Does your computer clock tell the correct time?

        Rodney: Yes. Right now it's 2:49 AM!

          Tom: You are only the second person I know who has the correct time on their computer! That's some kind of amazing feat! Tell us how you do it.

          Paula: I put duct tape over the time on my pc.

      What kind of salad dressing do you use?

        Rodney: Diet Blue Cheese.

          Paula: Whoa! Another of Tom’s leading questions - this is one of the first ones he asked me - luckily I said French and Ranch - because he said he’d dump me as a partner if I said Honey Mustard.

          Tom: Once again, to really understand someone you have to know what they coat their salad down with! If they use some really boring thing like "house" dressing then they are gonna always look for an easy out in life! But you take someone who likes some tangy funky kind of thing then they are gonna always be lookin for adventure! The only exception to this rule is Honey Mustard! And BTW, I personally like to mix Ranch and Blue Cheese!

      Do you like being famous? What's the greatest benefit?

        Rodney: I'm a regular guy who doesn't expect any special favors. When I check into a hotel I feel funny when the guys offer to take my bag. I figure I can carry it why should I make them do it. Sometimes when people yell, Hey Rodney, on the street, I figure it's someone I know, not a fan.

          Tom: And just think how much money you save on tips by carrying your own bags! Seriously, this is what makes you so cool on the net! You're right out here with the rest of us just having some fun! Long live Rodney, the regular kinda guy!

          Paula: I would like to see the expression on those bell hops faces! I hope someday when you’re in the Twin Cities, I can yell "Hey Rodney!" at you.

      What platform do you use (Mac, PC, other)?

        Rodney: I have a Power Macintosh 6100/66, DOS Compatible. It's programmed to tell me knock-knock jokes and can read my mail to me if I want. I just want it to make me breakfast.

          Paula: I just want mine to leave me alone! It’s got some magnetical force pulling me to it all the time. It’s hard to explain this to all the people I’ve been ignoring since I got it!

          Tom: I'm jealous. My Win 95 can't tell me knock-knock jokes! But it does do a mean batch of Belguim Waffles!

      And a few more for good measure!

      It is rumored that Meet Wally Sparks is possibly your best movie EVER! What can you tell us about it?

        Rodney: It's true. This is the funniest movie I've ever done. The jokes don't stop. Some of my friends make cameo appearances: Tim Allen, Roseanne Barr, Bob Saget, Michael Bolton, Tony Danza, Ron Jeremy, George Wallace, Jay Leno, and George Hamilton. Burt Reynolds, Cindy Williams, David Ogden Stiers, and Lenny Clark and lots of beautiful girls are in it too.

          Paula: I hope you sent Roddy tickets to the opener a week late!

          Tom: Up to this point I thought your best movie was "Back to School," so I'm really looking forward to this one!

      Should the Motion Picture Academy be put out of business?

        Rodney: Who gave them the right to judge? Roddy McDowell said in his letter that I have not yet mastered my craft, therefore I can not be a member of his little snobby club.

          Paula: What a weasel! Besides, he’s just jealous of your good looks!

          Tom: I say who needs 'em! We know you are worthy of some respect, Rodney! It's their loss. Join the hair Club for Men or something instead!

      How'd you get such a beautiful wife?

        Rodney: I wooed her with my fame and fortune.

          Paula: It worked! The pictures of your two sure are happy ones - there’s nothing staged here.

          Tom: I wooed my wife by telling her I'd be rich and famous someday! I gotta get it in gear here -- she's making me nervous with that butcher knife!

      What's your favorite kind of ice cream?

        Rodney: Any flavor slightly melted with nuts on top.

          Tom: I hate to disagree but Heavenly Hash takes it hands down! Especially slightly melted with nuts on top!

          Paula: I bet you’re one of those people who stirs the ice cream in the bowl until it looks like a milk shake. I’m a Toasted Almond Fudge person, and I’m starting to get used to that yogurt stuff - but only the chocolate cones at McDonalds.

      Any plans for a "Rodney" theme park (named World of Respect)?

        Rodney: I wouldn't want to get on Dolly Parton's wrong side.

          Paula: Does she have a wrong side??

          Tom: Although I'm embarrased to admit this I have actually been to DollyWood. Just call it one of my "yellow light" experiences gone bad! I really think you should reconsider, Rodney!

      And there you have it folks! About everything you'd ever want to know about Rodney Dangerfield! And perhaps more!

      Thanks, Rodney, for allowing us to get get downright personal with you. Keep up the great work at your site and we hope you gain just a little more respect after spending some time here at verycrazy.com!

      BACK